


All That's Best

by Pamela Rose (pamela_rose)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27461803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pamela_rose/pseuds/Pamela%20Rose
Summary: Hello, Mary Sue!  Very first fan story written before the writer knew such things existed (1978).
Relationships: Spock/Other(s)
Kudos: 6





	All That's Best

**Author's Note:**

> First published in R&R 12 in 1980.
> 
> I'm still missing a handful of Pam's stories. Does anyone have a copy of Personal Log #1? The 62 page zine was published in 1980 and has Uhuru on the cover. Pam's story is Sands of Doubt. According to the Fanlore article about the zine, it is a Kirk/Uhuru story. If you can help by sending us a copy or a scan, we'd really appreciate it. We are willing to buy the zine, but I haven't found it for sale on Ebay. Thanks!

CAPTAIN'S LOG. STARDATE 6136.1

The Enterprise is in orbit around Babel, where we are to pick up the Romulan ambassador and his party. Our mission is to transport them to Zedic, a small outpost in the Romulan neutral zone.

Although I do not anticipate any trouble, I must be alert to the possibility. In addition to my own personal wish for peace with the Romulans, it has become increasingly imperative in the last few years that an agreement be reached between the Federation and the Romulan Star Empire. Recent repeated breaches of the Organian Peace Treaty by the Klingons have made it apparent they are testing the water (and the validity of the treaty), perhaps in preparation for a dive into full scale war. We cannot afford to depend on the Organians to stop it, and we can even less afford the possibility of the loose alliance between the Klingons and the Romulans becoming more concrete. Therefore, our basic mission of transportation becomes somewhat more complicated.

The voyage will take several weeks, and many things can happen in that length of time. I have increased security and can only hope for the best.

* * * * *

Captain Kirk finished his log entry and turned the command chair to face his chief medical officer. “What are you looking so solemn about, Bones?"

“I just can't get used to the idea of meeting a Romulan ambassador. We've shot at them so much that the thought of finally making peace with them seems a little strange. They're not exactly a peaceful people.”

"It's been a long time since the Romulan Wars," Kirk mused. "A lot has happened. I think it is time to do some talking instead of shooting. With any luck, these peace talks on Babel will have made some progress toward that end. I hope so. The Romulans I have met I have had great respect for."

Spock had moved from his station to stand beside Kirk's chair. "Indeed, Captain. They are an extremely intelligent people."

Kirk looked at Spock curiously, wondering if he was thinking of a certain female fleet commander he had become intimately acquainted with when they had stolen the cloaking device. "You wouldn't be saying that because the Romulans and Vulcans have a common ancestry, would you Spock?" McCoy asked with a twinkle in his eye.

Spock was unperturbed. "It _would_ give them a distinct advantage, Doctor." McCoy grunted doubtfully, but Spock continued. “However, I must admit I find their warlike proclivities somewhat distasteful."

Apparently Scotty thought it was his turn to put in an opinion. "I canna sae I'm in love wi' the Romulans, but they are better than those bloody Klingons!"

Kirk frowned at him, repressing his own agreement. "Gentlemen, let's not get into personalities. Let's just be grateful that the Romulans seem to prefer dealing with the Federation right now more than they do the Klingons."

"That is only natural, Captain," Spock said. "The Romulans may be a warrior race, but they are honorable, something which can seldom be said of the Klingons. If we deal honorably with the Romulans, I feel sure they will do the same with us ."

Kirk turned to his chief engineer. "How's the check coming, Scotty?"

"Fine, Captain. We will be ready to leave in another hour."

"Good. Uhura, contact the base and tell them we will be ready to receive our guests at 0800 hours."

Uhura answered, "Aye, sir," and turned to her communications board. She paused. "Captain, it seems there is a woman in the ambassador's party. His daughter, sir."

Kirk was surprised. "I wonder why it wasn't mentioned earlier. We will have to make some arrangements."

"She might be more comfortable in my quarters, sir,'' Uhura volunteered. "I could bunk with Yeoman Meers."

Kirk smiled at her gratefully. "Thank you, Lieutenant. You always seem to be giving up your cabin, but this time it will hopefully be appreciated."

Uhura smiled back and blushed slightly beneath her dark skin. She turned back to her board.

Kirk stood and moved to the turbolift. "Take the con, Mr. Sulu. Dress uniforms, Gentlemen." He motioned to McCoy and Spock, who followed. "You too, Mr. Scott. We want to show the ambassador and his daughter the respect they deserve."

"Aye, sir," Scotty said, regretfully leaving his monitors.

Three quarters of an hour later, they stood in the transporter room awaiting the ambassador and his party. Scotty was in his kilts, and Kirk and Spock's uniforms littered with their ribbons and decorations of valor. McCoy pulled uncomfortably at his collar.

"Any time they are ready, Mr. Kyle," the captain told the transporter chief.

"Aye, sir." He adjusted a few dials and slowly pushed the levels. They stood at attention, McCoy on Kirk's left, Spock and Scott at his right.

The transporter shimmer died, and five people appeared on the dais. Three of them were evidently bodyguards, as they were wearing standard Romulan uniforms. The other man, who looked about sixty in human years (which meant he was at least twice that age}, was dressed in a stark, thigh-length black tunic over grey pants. He stepped from the transporter platform.

Kirk came forward and bowed slightly. "Welcome to the Enterprise, Ambassador."

The ambassador bowed his head in return. "Thank you, Captain Kirk. I am honored by your welcome."

The extreme dignity of the ambassador’s bearing reminded Kirk a little of Spock's father, but he did not have the dry humor in his eyes that was so characteristic of Sarek.

The ambassador raised his hand and the girl stepped down and moved to her father's side. "I would like to present my daughter and aide, T'Shira."

Kirk's eyes widened slightly as he took his first good look at the girl. She was dressed in a simply cut floor length gown of black, white, and red. One arm was bare. Her hair was a soft fall of ebony, reaching almost to her waist, caught behind two exquisitely pointed ears. Under finely lifted brows, her eyes were thickly lashed, emerald green. She was small and finely boned, very slender - but there was a strong impression of strength and resilience despite the delicacy of her figure.

Apparently, she did not share her father's sternness, for there was laughter brimming in her startlingly green eyes.

Kirk bowed over her hand. "It is a great honor."

"An honor for me, also, Captain," she answered, smiling. "I have heard much of the Enterprise, and I am looking forward to seeing it in detail. A very elusive ship, I am told."

Kirk was a little surprised to hear a reference to the many close encounters the Enterprise had had with Romulan ships - several times escaping by the skin of their teeth and sheer luck. He looked again, with increased interest, at the amused face of the girl. A teasing Romulan? This was indeed something new.

"I must apologize for my daughter, Gentlemen," the ambassador said. " She is not intentionally rude, but only impulsive, an unfortunate trait in a diplomat. She will learn to curb it.”

"One so lovely could never be rude," Kirk replied charmingly. "After all, she only speaks the truth. We have, unfortunately, had some regrettable incidents with your vessels in the past. We can only hope that that aspect of our relationship has ended, and there will now be peace and friendship between our people."

"Indeed, Captain Kirk. That was the basis for our meeting on Babel. I assure you progress has been made, although there is much left to be discussed. Perhaps after I confer with my Council on Romulus a more definite agreement can be reached."

"I am pleased to hear it, sir. Now I'd like to introduce my officers: Mr. Spock, who is my first officer and science officer; Mr. Scott is my chief engineer; and Doctor Leonard McCoy, who is chief surgeon."

They inclined their heads graciously, and T'Shira's gaze seemed to hold, with interest, upon Spock.

"We have your quarters prepared and I have every hope you will be comfortable. If you will accompany the yeoman, she will direct you to them. I would be pleased if you and your daughter would join my officers and me for dinner this evening.”

The ambassador paused. "Captain, I do not intend to give offense, but I have much work and meditation to do before we return home. I prefer to remain in my quarters as much as possible. Of course, T’Shira is free to join you. As my aide it is her duty to learn as much of your customs as possible. I regret that I have other matters to consider at the present."

"Of course, Ambassador. I understand."

The ambassador and the guards followed the yeoman, but T' Shira paused beside the captain.

One of the guards halted to wait for her, but she waved him on. Although she was smaller than other Romulan women Kirk had met, she seemed to share their aggressiveness.

"Captain, as I said, I am very interested in seeing your ship. I wonder if it would be permitted for your very attractive first officer to instruct me in its operations?"

Kirk glanced with amusement at Spock. To his surprise, the Vulcan answered before he could speak. "I should be delighted."

When they had left, Scotty spoke irritably, “I do na hold wi’ showin' Romulans how the ship works, Captain."

Kirk smiled. "I doubt if we have too many secrets from the Romulans, Scotty. But I am sure Mr. Spock will be discreet." -

McCoy entered the turbolift with Kirk, leaving a disgruntled Mr. Scott behind. Kirk pushed the intercom button. "We can leave orbit at once, Mr. Sulu."

"Aye, Captain. Course 232 mark 9 laid in, sir."

"Very good. Kirk out." He turned to McCoy. "So, what do you think of our guests, Bones?"

"It's too early to make an opinion except to say the ambassador is a cold fish, and the girl is a knockout."

Kirk agreed. "She is beautiful. She certainly has a mind of her own, too." He laughed. "She knocked the pomp out of me in a hurry with that remark she made."

"Spock seems pretty taken with her, “McCoy commented. “Did you see the way he was looking at her? If he wasn't a Vulcan, I'd say he was ready to give a wolf whistle at any moment."

“That’s ridiculous, Bones. You're imagining things."

"You think so? I'm not so sure. That seven-year cycle isn't that far away."

Kirk looked at the doctor worriedly. “I thought he had broken with that years ago."

"With T'Pring, yes. But biology is a funny thing. It’s hard to get away from. Spock is still very young in Vulcan years. And being half Human makes a big difference. That was probably what enabled him to break the bond in the first place. But don't make any mistake, the urge is still there, just like the rest of us. Spock just controls it better. He doesn't go chasing after every pretty girl the way you do." ·

"I don't--” The captain began huffily, but McCoy cut him short with a grin.

“Most of them you do. Just the same, I'd steer clear of this one, if I were you."

"I had no intentions of doing anything else," Kirk replied with dignity. "Besides, I think you are making too much out of nothing, as usual. I didn't see anything different in the way Spock behaved.”

"You were too busy looking at the ambassador's daughter to see anything else. Take some advice from an old country doctor and leave her to Spock.”

Kirk took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Bones, you are insufferable."

"Yeah," McCoy nodded, pleased. "I've been told that."

* * * * *

Over a week later, Spock was in his quarters idly strumming a light Vulcan melody on his lyre. He had tried several times to study some science reports, but each time dark hair and green eyes had come unbidden to his thoughts. It was more than a little unsettling to the highly disciplined Vulcan.

He had taken T'Shira on a tour of the Enterprise and had discovered quickly that she was as intelligent as she was lovely. She seemed to know almost as much about computers as he did, and although she knew little about astrogation or navigation, she was quite adept in astrophysics and mathematics. And, as the conversation strayed to other areas, he found to his surprise that she was extremely well read in Federation philosophy, art, and music. They had talked for hours on the divergence of their cultures and discussed the theory of seeding of races that was thought to be the cause of the split between the Romulans and Vulcans thousands of years ago. · He had also found she was a formidable chess opponent.

Although Spock found their conversations to be extremely stimulating and her perceptions interesting, there were times when he found her sense of humor somewhat uncomfortable.

"I have been looking forward to meeting you for quite a long time, Mr. Spock," she had told him.

"I was not aware that you knew I existed," he had answered, puzzled.

"Oh, yes. You have been described to me by a very reliable source. She said you were handsome, intelligent, and extremely resourceful.” T'Shira laughed at his inquisitive look. "I shall not keep you in suspense. You stole a certain cloaking device from her several years ago with the help of Captain Kirk and some, shall we say, indiscreet actions on your part."

"You are speaking, I take it, of the commander of the flagship," Spock replied with a slight tinge of embarrassment. “I have regretted some aspects of that incident. It was not accomplished with integrity."

"I do not know why you regret it. You were successful. While we are an honorable people, we do admire results. I do not believe the commander is bitter about the episode any longer. She admits her gullibility was to blame as much as your duplicity."

Spock thought back on the conversation now with some amusement as he ran his fingers over the strings of his lyre. T'Shira was a very unusual woman. A fascinating woman.

Spock had found many women attractive. Human women, Vulcan women - and especially the Romulan commander they had spoken of. But he had never known one that he had not found possible to put out of his thoughts ... until now. T'Shira remained stubbornly at the edge of his mind and he could not seem to shake -it. It was a disturbing situation.

Extremely illogical.

The door buzzer interrupted his reverie. He signaled for it to open and was startled to see T'Shira standing in the entrance. She came in and the door closed behind her. She looked around the room with. interest.

"I was curious to see how a Vulcan lives on a starship," she told him lightly.

"No differently than anyone else," he answered her, watching her graceful movements around the room.

"Ah, but I do not have weapons on the walls of my quarters," she said, running her hand down the blade of a Vulcan scimitar.

"They are ceremonial"

"But that is revealing in itself. If these are still important to you, in spite of their logic, Vulcans are still close to their savage ancestors."

"To some extent," he admitted reluctantly. "But we have learned to control our savage nature and concentrate on intellectual pursuits."

"By suppressing your emotions?"

He nodded. She continued to study the weapons on the wall and the Vulcan bells. "Are you sure your people made the right choice? Emotions can be extremely useful. I give you Humans and Romulans for an example. Neither have suppressed their emotions, yet both rule their respective systems. The Vulcans do not seem to have accomplished anything in comparison to that. Of what use is your logic?"

"Humans do not rule the Federation. It is a combined effort of many races, Vulcan included. Vulcan has never been conquered, nor have we any wish for conquest. We prize peace above all else."

"You say Humans do not rule, but it was primarily Humans we met with at Babel. The head of Starfleet is a Human. The captain of this starship is a Human. You are being illogical, Mr. Spock, if you think that does not constitute rule. Romulans and Vulcans are distant cousins, but sometimes it seems we have more in common with the Humans than with you. A race must fight and push outward to survive."

"But it is not always necessary to do so over the bodies of those who might stand in the way," Spock said, "and there is always the inward search as well as the outward. That may be more important to survival than exploration and conquest. Vulcans are content with one world and sharing the knowledge of a thousand others. Being non-emotional and nonaggressive does not mean being weak."

"No, you are not equal," she said slowly, "but neither are you totally Vulcan, are you, Mr. Spock?"

His eyes met hers and locked for a long second. "If you know so much about me, you must know that." Strangely, he suddenly wanted to tell her. "Yes, my mother is Human."

She looked at him with renewed interest. "I find that very intriguing. You must be a quite superior man, Mr. Spock. It is a fascinating combination."

"I have found it many things," he said drily, “but seldom fascinating."

"I need hardly ask if you hold your allegiance to Vulcan or Earth. You have made it abundantly clear." ·

"I am Vulcan," he told her slowly, "but I have found it difficult at times to control my Human half."

"So that is why you left Vulcan to join Starfleet," she said, nodding. "I see your reasoning. It was a wise choice."

"You are different from the Romulans I have known," Spock commented, changing the subject.

"You mean like the commander?” she teased lightly.

"Yes."

"Of course. She was of the warrior caste. My father and I are Mugeao, the priest class. Both castes hold to the code of chirieta - duty and honor. But we are the teachers, judges, artists…ambassadors. The warriors are the soldiers and leaders. They rule, and we advise them. But as they have the weapons and power, they take the advice only when they wish," she added ruefully.

"They rule by force?" Spock asked.

She shrugged. "Of course. The strongest always rule. It is the nature of life."

"It does not seem a completely satisfying solution, however," Spock mused, doubtfully. 

"No," she agreed. "There are many who would change it. I, myself, have often wished it were different." She spoke almost wistfully.

They were standing very close now, and Spock could catch the light scent of alien flowers in her hair. He noticed a silver chain around her throat with a strangely curved shell hanging from it. ·

"What is this?" he asked softly.

She smiled and picked it up for him to inspect closer. "It is called a tesik. It is an ancient charm of good and evil fortune. My mother gave it to me when I was a child. The legend is that it will tell you the truth in all things."

Spock studied it with amusement. "And does it?"

"Indeed." She laughed. "It has lain on the sand for a thousand years and listened to the wind and sea whisper their secrets. That is why it is so wise."

Spock was looking in the laughing green eyes, and the room suddenly seemed much warmer than could be explained by the normally high setting of the thermostat.

"Why good and evil? It seems a curious mixture."

"Because it is not always good to hear the truth." She touched the shell playfully to her ear. "As right now. It tells me something you might prefer I did not hear. It tells me that you find me beautiful, Mr. Spock. Of course, it is only a legend."

His hand went out to cup her chin, tilting her face up to his. "In this instance I shall choose to believe in legends. The tesik speaks truly. I do find you beautiful."

The smile died on her lips as their gaze held. Spock's fingers traced the line of her jaw to her neck, and finally to her bare shoulder.

Their breath came quicker as their fingertips met and touched in an embrace that went back to the dawn of both cultures.

* * * * *

Spock lay relaxed on his bed, his hands folded behind his head, watching T'Shira brush her long, dark hair. He had donned his uniform pants but had still not put on his boots or shirt. T'Shira, much less self-conscious than he, was still nude - but the glory of her hair made her seem almost dressed.

As Spock watched her graceful movements, he realized he felt more at peace within himself than he had in recent memory.

T'Shira, noticing his gaze, put the brush down and sat beside him on the bed. He turned to one side to face her with his head propped up on his arm and ran his free hand through the ebony silk of her hair.

"Would you kiss me, Spock?"

Spock looked at her in surprise. "Why? It is not logical. It is not our custom."

"I have never been kissed. I am curious," she insisted. After a second, she added mischievously, “You are half Human. I am certain you have kissed women before, have you not? Is it not pleasant?"

Spock cleared his throat, suddenly uncomfortable. "Yes... It is ... pleasant."

"Then kiss me, Spock. It would be illogical to refuse such a painless experiment."

Reluctantly he pulled her lips down to meet his, a little unwilling to break with the custom of their people. A long moment later the caress was broken - but by T'Shira, not Spock.

She was a little breathless. "Indeed, it is pleasant. I think I like this kissing a great deal."

Spock did not answer, but drew her against him, and his mouth came down upon hers again. Suddenly he experienced a strange emotion - a need he could not recall having felt before. His hand shook slightly as he lifted it to her face.

"I wish to ... meld with you, T'Shira."

She pulled away abruptly. "No."

Part of him confused, part of him aching, he stared at her. "But ... I thought--"

"I know what you thought," T'Shira said quickly, pushing her hair back over her shoulders; small, high breasts suddenly visible, causing Spock to tremble even more. "But I cannot. To meld with you now would mean bonding - total bonding. Neither you nor I is ready for that."

He looked at her, control ling the fire in his blood, the need. Logic, logic, he demanded of himself. (Since when has mating been controlled by logic? another part of himself insisted.) His voice when he spoke sounded hoarse even to his own ears.

"After what has happened between us, how can you say we are not ready?"

"Spock, I am Romulan, not Vulcan. I do not need to be bonded to have ... relations. I am not the only Romulan woman you have known, so you must be aware of that fact."

He stood suddenly, pulling her to him. "You are not that different from Vulcans. It must be in your culture also.

Meeting his intense eyes was difficult. "Yes, it is our culture. But only when we mate for life. But what of you? Apparently, you are more Human than you admit, or you would have been unable to have done this so casually either."

He released her and turned away, confused. "I did not feel it was casual."

She smiled wryly. "I do not believe you are unaccustomed to sex. You were extremely adept. It could have hardly been your first encounter."

There was a slight tinge of green in his face. "I have never... The other times I was not in ... control of myself."

Her smile deepened. "My compliments should go to whoever was in control at the time. She taught you well."

His embarrassment faded swiftly into anger - an anger which he was too involved in at the moment to remember to conceal. "It does not become you to speak in such a fashion!"

Her eyebrow rose in mock surprise. "I am Romulan - not Vulcan. Do not push your stilted morals on me."

It was Spock's turn to look surprised. He was torn between hurt and shock.

"Spock, why are you· taking this so seriously? We both enjoyed this immensely. You are an excellent bed partner. Even if your Vulcan half is cringing in disgust at a purely sensual affair, your Human half has enjoyed it a great deal."

"But I am Vulcan," Spock said slowly, studying her. "And you are Romulan. I do not believe it was less important to you than it was to me." Those dark eyes seemed to bore into her, reading things she preferred to remain hidden. "In spite of your cynicism, I know it meant more to you than you wish to admit for some reason. You would not have come here at all if it had not." ·

"Are you so certain that I was not just interested in you physically?" she asked lightly, trying to avoid his eyes.

"Yes. I am sure."

She was trembling now. Frightened and unsure and beginning to let it show. "Spock, you know we can't permit ourselves to ... get involved. We are still enemies."

"Yes," he replied in a choked voice, "I know it would be...illogical."

"So why are you letting it happen?" she pleaded.

He did not reply for a moment, he was too engrossed in pushing her hair back over her shoulders, turning it into a caress that made her shiver. "I seem to have little control over the situation," he said finally.

"Nor do I." Her voice was a whisper.

"Then perhaps it would be even more illogical to deny the sensations involved."

"Yes...perhaps." This time her voice was muffled against his chest, cheek against the thick brush of hair there. She pulled away, trying to change the subject (and the inevitable direction both their bodies were heading again). “I thought Vulcan was a hot planet?"

“It is to some,” he answered absently.

"Then you should not have so much body hair. That is more common to a cold climate." She ran her hand up his chest, smiling.

There was a small, almost imperceptible smile at the corner of his mouth. “l 'm afraid that must be attributed to my Human ancestry. Like several other Human traits you seem to have awakened in me in the last few hours."

She looked at him teasingly. "So, you are not finding your Human half completely distasteful.”

"Not at the moment, no." He ran his index finger across her eyebrow and down the line of her cheek. "In fact, I am finding it more fascinating by the minute."

"And you no longer find it necessary to meld?" she asked insistently as the tracing of his fingers moved toward her breast. He hesitated, then continued the movement with assurance.

"I shall consider the matter ... later."

* * * * *

Captain Kirk glanced down at the chronometer on his command chair and was shocked to see that Spock was ten minutes late in relieving him. He drummed his fingers worriedly against the arm of the chair. This was unheard of. He could not remember Spock ever being late for duty before.

He started to reach for the intercom switch to call Spock's quarters, when the turbolift doors opened and the Vulcan entered the Bridge. He walked quickly to Kirk's side.

"I apologize for the delay, Captain."

Kirk stood up, staring at him curiously, but Spock volunteered no information. "That's quite all right, Mr. Spock. I'm sure it couldn't be helped."

Spock sat down in the command chair and began to check some fuel charts. Kirk still studied him, a little confused. There was some undefinable change in Spock, and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. The harsh lines of his face were relaxed, and he seemed calm and almost…happy.

Spock noticed the captain was still standing beside him. "Is there anything else, Jim?"

"Oh ... no, Mr. Spock. Carry on." Puzzled, Kirk left the Bridge.

* * * * *

Three weeks later, Kirk was in his cabin trying to read. He could not seem to concentrate on the book. His mind kept going back to the startling change in Spock. It had become more noticeable in the last few weeks. He had never again been late in reporting for duty, but the slight change in his manner had been remarked on even by Mr. Scott.

Compared to his customary somberness, Spock seemed almost lighthearted. He was relaxed and almost friendly instead of his usual cool aloofness. He did his job as efficiently as always, but somehow did not seem as single minded or wrapped up in his work as he usually was. In fact, Kirk would have called it absentmindedness, if it had been anyone but Spock.

He had seen very little of Spock off duty - and that was not strange in itself, for Spock occasionally got involved in research of his own - but Kirk rather missed his company. Even their chess games were less frequent, and Spock won them quickly and with a consistency that infuriated Kirk. He couldn't seem to psyche him out as well, and Kirk's unorthodox moves were often swiftly capped by an even more unorthodox one from Spock.

The captain had not spoken to McCoy about the change in the Vulcan. He knew the doctor was apt to slap Spock in sickbay for a physical. And, after all, hadn't McCoy been on Spock's back for years to act more Human? No, whatever it was, it was Spock's business, and Kirk respected his privacy. It wouldn't do to get McCoy interested.

The journey to Zedic had, so far, been completely routine. In fact, it had been almost boring. The ambassador had kept almost exclusively to his quarters as he intended, and his daughter seemed to be doing pretty much the same, for Kirk had seen very little of her.

Which was just as well where he was concerned. In spite of Bones' jibes about his preoccupation with beautiful women, Kirk had never been unduly attracted to Vulcan or Romulan women. He didn't know much about them, but they had always seemed a little cold to him - and he did not like cold women.

In any event, Kirk would be very relieved to drop the ambassador off at Zedic and continue on to an assignment with a bit more action.

Kirk closed his book and stretched. It was late. He reached over to turn out the light, but the door signal stopped him. He shrugged into his dressing gown and went to answer it, wondering if there was something wrong, or if it was Spock wanting to talk. He was startled, uncomfortably, to see the ambassador's daughter.

"May I speak with you privately, Captain Kirk?"

"Perhaps it would be better to wait until morning," he suggested, suddenly conscious of his bare legs and the lateness of the hour. He was not familiar with Romulan protocol, but he doubted if it included a visit to the captain's cabin in the middle of the night.

"I do not think this will wait until morning," she said, amused at his embarrassment. She entered and the door slid shut behind her. Helplessly, Kirk motioned her toward a chair.

"What can I do for you?"

"I thought you should know that there will, in all probability, be an attempt on my father's life."

Kirk stiffened. "How do you know? Are you sure?"

She laughed shortly. "Quite sure, Captain. A few moments ago, when I entered my room, I was attacked by my guard."

"Your guard?" Kirk said in surprise. "Are you all right?"

"Of course. Saytek was a fool. He should have realized I carried a weapon." She pulled a deadly looking Romulan dagger from her sleeve. "He already knew I did not trust him."

"I see," Kirk remarked with dawning respect for this beautiful, calm woman. He moved to the intercom, but she stopped him.

"I would not call Security, if I were you, Captain. This is a matter that should be kept as private as possible. I have already checked on my father, and he is safe for the moment."

"Why do you think your guard tried to kill you?"

She shrugged. "There are many in the Romulan Empire who do not wish this peace with the Federation. It would be more profitable to keep the hostilities going, and perhaps even to escalate them. This incident would easily do that. With my father and me both out of the way, it would be difficult for you to prove the Federation was not responsible. There are many who would be eager to use this as an excuse to join forces with the Klingons."

"I get your meaning. What about the other two guards?"

"I do not know. It could have been just Saytek who was ordered to assassinate us. My father trusts them, but I am not so certain. They are warriors and do not take orders easily from one of the priest caste."

Kirk considered the problem. "If your father refuses to have them removed, we shall just have to watch them as closely as possible. Put guards on the guards, so to speak."

"You must be subtle about it, Captain. We cannot have the truth of this become known. The situation is somewhat volatile on Romulus at present. It would not take much more than a few rumors of dissention to tip the balance of the Council away from the treaty."

"That doesn't speak well for the stability of the peace once it is agreed on, does it?"

"Things are rarely stable at the beginning. We are a warrior race, and you have been our enemies for too long for the idea of peace to be accepted overwhelmingly at first. No, Captain, it is best to tread lightly. We cannot afford a scandal right now. I suggest we say Saytek fell on his own knife. It would simplify things."

"Suicide?"

"Yes. It is not an unusual occurrence in our culture when one does not live up to the Romulan code. It should not be necessary to go into explanations. Those who sent him will know what happened, the rest will consider it a personal matter." Again, she smiled that relaxed, amused smile. "After all, he did fail in his duty. It would have been the only honorable thing for him to do."

Once more Kirk looked at T'Shira with respect and a little uncertainty. She was a remarkable woman. He saw that he was mistaken in his belief that Romulan women were cold. She might be cool and controlled, but she was far from cold. In fact, he sensed she was enjoying the intrigue to some extent. 

"I think you had better take that up with my father, Captain. I am afraid you might find him more difficult to convince then me. I am sorry to say he is extremely obstinate."

She started toward the door, but halted and turned to him, looking uncertain and hesitant, as she had not a few seconds before.

"Captain Kirk, I did have something I wished to ask you."

"What is it?"

"I do not wish to return to Romulus. I wonder if it would be possible for me to remain on the Enterprise instead of departing at Zedic with my father?"

Kirk stared at her in surprise. "Why would you want to do that?"

"I... have my reasons."

"I'm sorry," he said reluctantly. "I have my orders to take you and your father both to Zedic where a Romulan ship will transport you to Romulus. You must know that the way things stand at present, you could not remain in the Federation, any more than a Human would be allowed to remain in the Romulan Empire."

Her eyes met his. "Yes, you are right, of course. It would be impossible. I should have realized that from the beginning." With that cryptic remark, she left abruptly, leaving Kirk quite puzzled.

* * * * *

The next morning, Kirk was on the Bridge completing his log entry on the death of the Romulan guard. The only other person who knew the truth of the matter besides McCoy, who, being chief surgeon, had to perform the required autopsy, was the ambassador. Kirk had had a brief and unprofitable discussion with him earlier, and he had come to the decision that all ambassadors and diplomats were completely devoid of all common sense (a view he had long held privately anyway). He was a little disturbed at what had happened to his daughter, but not disturbed enough to even consider replacing his guards with Enterprise personnel. He refused to admit the possibility that his guards could be any involved in the plot. He preferred to consider Saytek's action as a maverick incident, having little chance of being repeated in his own case.

Kirk had given up in frustration and had to be satisfied with increasing security and putting a guard at the end of the corridor outside the ambassador's quarters, and one outside T'Shira's door. It seemed a rather slim precaution, but he could hardly phaser the Romulan guards and put the ambassador in the brig for his own protection. Offending him could possibly be as detrimental to the treaty as letting him get killed.

He also knew there were many in the Federation as well as in the Romulan Empire who would go to great lengths to prevent peace with the other. He did not like to think one of his crewmembers could be involved, but it was vitally important to make certain.

Kirk hated situations like this when-any step you took could easily make you fall flat on your face. He was anxious to speak to Spock and get his opinions on the best course to take.

When the Vulcan entered the Bridge, he went directly to his science station without acknowledging Kirk's greeting. A little bewildered by Spock's lack of response, Kirk walked over to where he stood.

"I need to have a word with you, Spock."

The Vulcan did not look up. "I am occupied at the moment, Captain." The words were clipped and sharp, completely unlike Spock. Uhura looked up in surprise from her station nearby as she caught the tone of his voice.

Kirk was taken a back. "What's wrong, Spock?"

"Nothing is wrong. I merely wish to continue with my work without interruption." As his eyes met the captain's, Kirk was astonished to see a blaze of cold, controlled fury in Spock's gaze.

Conscious of all eyes on the Bridge watching them in amazement, Kirk was at a loss. This was extremely close to outright insubordination. He couldn't let it go any further without having to reprimand Spock publicly - something he could not bring himself to do.

"Very well, Mr. Spock," he said lamely. "I'll speak to you later. I've got to get down to Sickbay anyway. Carry on." He moved to the turbolift.

He was still feeling unsettled a few moments later when he walked into Sickbay. McCoy was sitting, relaxed, his feet propped up with a cup in his hand.

"Hi, Jim. Want some coffee?"

"Yeah, but a good stiff drink is what I really need."

McCoy eyed him curiously as he handed him a cup of coffee. "So, what's up, Jim?"

Kirk took a big swallow. "Never mind. You finished with the autopsy?" .

"Just got through. She was very efficient. Got him right through the heart." He was still looking at the captain's grim face. "Come on, Jim, what's wrong? I know that look."

Kirk took another sip of his coffee and stared at the cup.

"Bones, have you noticed anything strange about Spock lately?"

"Why?" he asked cautiously.

"On the Bridge a few moments ago, he practically snapped my head off."

"What! Spock did that? To tell you the truth. I thought he had been just the opposite these last few weeks. Downright pleasant, in fact."

"Yes, I thought so, too, until just now." He looked at McCoy, confused. "Bones, he looked like he wanted to choke me."

"That sure doesn't sound like our normal poker-faced Vulcan. What have you done to make him mad?"

"Mad? I've never even seen Spock get more than irritated when he was in his right mind. I tell you I am really worried. Bones, you mentioned something about the seven-year cycle coming up soon. Do you think he could be going into pon farr?"

McCoy shook his head. "No, I don't think so. In fact, I'm pretty sure he isn't. I gave the whole crew physicals right before we stopped at Babel. Spock's just about the healthiest member of the crew. No, if it was pon farr, there would have been some indication then."

Kirk sat his cup down on the desk with a thump. "Then what the hell is wrong with him? You must have some idea."

"Ummm ... " McCoy considered it. "Have you seen much of the Ambassador's daughter?"

"T'Shira?" Kirk glanced at him, puzzled. "No, I've hardly spoken to her a half a dozen times. She must be spending a lot of time with her father. Last night, when she came to my quarters, was the first--"

"Your quarters? She came there last night?" McCoy broke in.

"Yes. After she killed the guard. She knew she had to keep it pretty quiet, so she came to tell me privately. What's that got to do with Spock?"

"Jim, Spock's cabin is right next to yours!"

"So? What's that got to do with anything?"

The doctor sighed in exasperation. "My dear innocent captain, it is a wonder Spock didn't break your neck. If you hadn't been such a close friend, he might have. Vulcans are very possessive with their women."

Kirk's mouth fell open. "You aren't saying Spock is jealous? Bones, that's ridiculous!"

"Is it? Spock knows T'Shira was in your room late last night, but I take it you haven't got around to telling him why. He jumped to the wrong conclusion. He's in love. You don't always think too straight in that condition." McCoy grinned in delight.

"Now I know you are letting your imagination run away with you. Spock jump to conclusions? That's impossible."

"Why? I bet you have before, where a woman was concerned."

"But Spock's not... I mean... You aren't seriously saying that Spock is in love with her, are you?" Kirk concluded weakly.

"Why are you so shocked?" McCoy demanded. "He's a man, and she's an incredibly beautiful, intelligent woman. Just the kind of woman Spock could fall in love with. What's so surprising?"

"But she's a Romulan."

"So what?" McCoy retorted. "Spock's mother was Human. That didn't stop Sarek. And remember, Romulans and Vulcans have a lot more in common than Humans and Vulcans. Jim, I'm surprised at you. You've known for years that deep-down Spock has feelings as strong as ours. Maybe stronger. It's no secret that the Vulcans' savage heritage is the foundation for their present culture - the very reason they had to develop their culture, in fact, or they would have killed each other off long ago. They have controlled their basic savage nature, but it is still strongest when the mating urge is tapped - as we know very well from our last encounter with it. I think Spock is acting perfectly normal for someone who's half Vulcan, half Human, and in love. Boy, what a combination!"

Kirk shook his head, berating himself for being so blind. "I had no idea this was going on. I knew something was different with Spock, but I never imagined--” He broke off and looked at McCoy with suspicion. "How did you find out so much, Bones?"

McCoy looked slightly uncomfortable. "Well, I keep telling you, you have to be nosy. If you mind your own business, you never find out anything. After all," he added defensively, "I am his doctor. I had to find out why he was acting so different, didn't I?"

Kirk laughed. "You are the one who's going to get your neck broken, Bones."

"I'm not worried," the doctor said confidently. "If he was going to do it, he would have done it long ago."

The captain grinned. "That's the truth. You certainly have given him reason enough. I'd better get t is straightened out with him fast." He went to the intercom. "Kirk to Bridge. Mr. Spock, I want you to report to my quarters in five minutes."

For a moment there was no answer, and Kirk was afraid he was going to refuse. He held his breath until he heard Spock's voice answer, "Yes, sir."

"Good luck, Jim," McCoy could not resist saying with a grin as Kirk headed for the door. "Watch out for the nerve pinch!"

"Bones!" The captain replied threateningly over his shoulder. "Don't push your luck."

  * * * * * *



Precisely five minutes later, Spock entered the captain's cabin. Kirk was relieved to see that he was no longer furious. In fact, Kirk got the impression that Spock had had time to think about his actions and was deeply regretting his impulsiveness. He was not quite sure how to back down and apologize without admitting he had shown emotion.

"You wished to see me, Captain?"

"Yes. I'm afraid there has been a misunderstanding, Spock. I think you know that T'Shira came to my quarters last night, but I haven't had a chance until now to explain."

Spock stiffened. “It is not necessary--"

"Yes it is. We've got a problem, and I need your advice. Last night T'Shira's bodyguard tried to kill her. No, wait . . . she is fine." He smiled. "She seems quite capable of taking care of herself."

Spock relaxed. "Then it was not suicide. I should have realized. I did wonder about it, but I must have had other things on my mind. "

Kirk resisted an urge to say, I'm sure you did. Spock would hardly appreciate the humor - neither would he, in a similar situation. He decided the best course was to ignore the incident on the Bridge and T' Shira, unless Spock brought it up.

"She feels her father may be next in line. He trusts his bodyguards, or at least he trusts them more than he does us. There's not much I can do about that. I can't very well force him to put them in confinement. The security man I've put in the corridor isn't going to be much help for what goes on inside the cabin."

"It does not seem very logical of him not to take precautions after the one attempt at assassination," Spock commented.

"With the exception of Vulcans, I have never met an ambassador with a shred of logic in his make-up. Unfortunately, it appears to hold true with Romulans as well. I can tell you I am getting very sick of diplomatic intrigue, though."

"Indeed, Captain," Spock remarked. "I have often felt my father retired for that reason as much as for his heart condition."

"Well, since we can't do anything overt without causing a 'diplomatic' (Kirk said the word as if it had a bad taste} problem, my main concern is that no member of the crew be involved. We'll have to take a particularly close look at the people who have signed on in the last six months. I want a complete personality and background check run through the computer. Under-stood?" ·

"Yes, sir." Spock hesitated. "T'Shira came here last night to tell you what happened." It was a statement, not a question.

Kirk saw, with sympathetic amusement, that Spock had a flush of green in his face. Spock embarrassed? Another rarity!

"Jim, I am very sorry for the way ... I spoke to you on the Bridge. I have not been acting rationally. There is no excuse."

"That's quite all right, Mr. Spock. Believe me, I understand."

"Thank you." The Vulcan straightened and looked Kirk in the eye. "I have a request to make, Captain. Or perhaps it would be more accurately called a favor."

"Certainly. What is it?"

"I wish to marry, and I would like you to perform the ceremony."

Kirk sat up with a jerk. For some reason he had not expected this. "Married? Are you sure?"

"Quite sure. As my wife, T'Shira would be permitted to remain in the Federation. It is the law."

Kirk considered it. "And you want me to marry you without notifying Starfleet?"

"There is a definite probability that they would refuse permission. I could quote you the odds if you wish."

"Yes, I imagine you could," Kirk grinned ruefully. "But I can guess they would hardly approve the match. It could complicate the diplomatic situation somewhat."

Spock nodded. "I have considered that, of course. But it does not change my decision. It is a great deal to ask of you, I know. You could receive a reprimand; or worse, for not following procedure."

"Do you love her?" Kirk asked before he could bite his tongue. To his surprise, Spock answered willingly, if hesitantly.

"Yes... I love her."

"That's all I needed to hear, Spock." Kirk grinned broadly. "I shall be delighted to do it. The devil with Starfleet. They have no right to interfere with personal lives."

"Thank you, Jim." Kirk heard the deep friendship in the words.

"One thing, though," Kirk added. "I don't know if I can manage a Vulcan or Romulan wedding. I wouldn't know how."

"A civil ceremony will be adequate at present." He paused. "Incidentally, do you think Mr. Scott and Mr. Sulu would care to stand with me? I would ask Dr. McCoy, but ..."

"But, you think after what happened the last time, he'd shy away from a second round?" Kirk laughed. "Bones is made of sterner stuff than that. He'd be offended if you didn't ask him."

Spock seemed relieved. "Then I will indeed do so."

* * * * *

Spock ran the computer check on the personnel, but he could find nothing out of the ordinary.

After he had double-checked to make sure, and informed the captain of the findings, he went to T'Shira's cabin. He entered and looked at her sternly.

"Why did you not tell me about your guard?"

"It was not important," she answered lightly.

"You could have been killed. That is not important?"

"I am not as helpless as you might think," she retorted. "Saytek was a fool. He could not imagine that a woman of my caste would carry a weapon. Most warriors are fools in that way. They see our caste as weak and helpless and forget that we live by our wits."

"I would not see you harmed," Spock said fiercely. "You should have summoned me."

"To do what? He was already dead. Let's not speak of it any longer. It bores me," she insisted, changing the subject. "I have been reading Terran poetry. Some of it is quite lovely. Do you enjoy it?"

He tilted her chin up and looked into her eyes. "Yes," he quoted softly:

"She walks in beauty, like the night,

Of cloudless climes and starry skies,

And all that's best of dark and bright,

Meet in her aspect and her eyes."

"What is that?" T'Shira asked, delighted.

"It was written by an Earth poet named Byron, many centuries ago. I have always favored it for some reason, but I never knew until now that it was written for you."

She smiled. "That is very romantic, Spock, but hardly logical. I did not believe Vulcans could be romantic."

His eyebrow lifted. "It is true that I do not recall my father quoting poetry to my mother, but I believe she would have been pleased it he had."

"I am pleased, Spock," she said softly.

"The captain has agreed to marry us," he stated abruptly.

She pulled away. "I do not recall you asking me to be your mate."

"I had assumed you knew it was what I wanted," he said slowly. "I thought you wished it also."

"It doesn't matter what I wish." She turned away, as if she could not face him. "You know it is impossible."

"But you do want me?" Spock insisted.

"Of course I do! You know that. You also know that it would not be permitted."

"They would have no choice. Once you are my wife, they could not force you to return to Romulus."

She shook her head. "You have not thought this out, Spock. You are the first officer of the Enterprise. How long do you think you would remain in that position once you took a Romulan wife? We are talking peace, yes, but that is a long way from trusting me as your wife. Your loyalties would be questioned."

"Very well," Spock said, decidedly, "I shall leave Starfleet. We shall return to Vulcan."

"And what of your reasons for leaving Vulcan?"

"They are no longer valid."

She faced him angrily. "Of course they are! Look at yourself now. Are you being ruled by logic or emotion?"

He did not answer.

"What of the Enterprise, Spock? It has been your home for years. It has been your life. Can you leave it? Leave Dr. McCoy, and Mr. Scott ... and the captain?"

"Jim would understand more than anyone why I must do so. T'Shira, it is the only choice I can make. Whatever reservations and regrets I may have in leaving the Enterprise are unimportant. It is illogical, and I do not totally understand it, but I... need you. For the first time in my life I do not feel alone."

He took her in his arms, holding her tightly, feeling her tremble slightly. "I can't do this to you," she insisted. "It would disrupt both our lives. I can't do it."

But he could feel her resolve weakening. He picked up the shell that hung from the chain on her throat. She looked up at him curiously, and for the first time she saw him really smile. A warm, gentle, persuasive smile.

"The tesik says you can."

* * * * *

"I can't believe it," McCoy told Jim. "Spock getting married. Well, I can tell you one thing. I like this girl a hell of a lot better than T'Pring."

"I know what you mean, Bones. I kind of resented her for rejecting Spock, too. But she had the right to make her own choice. And Spock is getting his chance now, so I guess it all worked out for the best." Kirk laughed. "Spock thought you might walk out on being his best man after what happened the last time."

"No way. I'm waiting to see him kiss the bride."

"Don't count on that. I don't think Vulcans kiss. Or Romulans either, for that matter."

"Thank god I'm Human," McCoy said jovially, then became serious. "What is her father going to say about this, by the way?"

Kirk shrugged. "He won't like it, that's for sure. I don't know what he can do about it, though. Romulan women are very independent, and the marriages aren't arranged by the parents like the Vulcans."

The intercom whistled. "Security to Captain Kirk."

"Kirk here."

"Captain, there is some kind of disturbance on Deck 5. The ambassador's quarters."

"On my way." He sprinted from the room, McCoy after him.

* * * * *

T'Shira went to tell her father she was to marry Spock. He would not be pleased, she knew, but that mattered little now. Her own doubts and fears were much greater than any he could have. She knew that whatever Spock had said, he did not want to leave the Enterprise and Jim. But she had made her decision. She loved Spock, and she felt their love was great enough to withstand the pain of parting from her home forever, just as Spock's was great enough to part from what had become his home.

When she reached her father's cabin, she was too preoccupied to notice that neither of the Romulan guards were at the door. She had not permitted the security man Kirk had assigned her to come with her, since she had wanted to speak privately with her father. It was an oversight she would rapidly regret.

Her first sight when she entered the cabin was her father's body on the floor and the body of one of his guards nearby. Automatically she started to go to him when she was grabbed from behind with a hand held tightly over her mouth.

"Be silent!" It was the voice of the other guard, Stepar.

She twisted frantically, trying to reach her knife. Apparently, he was aware of it, however, for he pulled it from her sleeve and laughed. "I am not quite so ready to fall on my knife as Saytek, Milady. This time the task will be completed."

He had taken his hand from her mouth, and now she spoke in disgust. "Why did you do this? Who is paying you?"

He jerked her arm harder, but she did not cry out.

"I need no pay to do my duty. This way there will be no peace with Federation pigs. We are warriors. We fight for what we want. This peace would destroy what we are. Romulans must not be allowed to let themselves become weak and passive like the Vulcans." He grinned savagely. "Oh yes, I had forgotten. You have no aversion to Vulcans, have you? They must make love much better than they make war."

"He will kill you!" she said furiously.

"But not before you die like your father and Secaal. He, too, wanted this peace." He spat at the other Romulan guard's body. "He also wanted to become weak and submissive to the Federation."

"At least he upheld his honor to protect my father," she retorted. That stung him enough to wrench her arm even more, almost to the point of breaking. This time she could not withhold a moan of pain.

He smiled in satisfaction. "What honor is there in this treaty?" he demanded. "The Federation will stab us in the back the first chance they get. They are hardly better than the Klingons. After you are dead let us see how they will prove you did not die by their hand. Even if the Council suspects the truth, they will not admit their ambassador was killed by a loyal Romulan."

She saw the phaser in his hand; she prepared herself for death.

The door opened suddenly, and Spock came in. With a swift kick he knocked the phaser from Stepar's hand. The Romulan threw T'Shira to one side, where her head struck a table, and she was still.

Stepar braced himself for Spock's attack. They were evenly matched in strength, but not in rage. The Vulcan flung himself at the Romulan. For several minutes there was no advantage to either; both were highly skilled, both knew the vulnerable areas and the ancient, almost instinctive Vulcanoid techniques. But finally, Spock's fury drove Stepar back, and Spock closed in for the kill.

Something in the back of Spock's mind made him pause. Control ... control, it insisted.

Suddenly the hot rage cleared, and he felt sickened by his bloodlust. He was a Vulcan. HE WOULD NOT KILL IN THIS MANNER. Cool, sweet logic returned, and he proceeded his attack in a different manner, giving Stepar the openings he had not a few moments before. Stepar, thinking Spock was weakening, closed in and Spock was able to apply an effective grip; one Stepar was not expecting, because it was not fatal the nerve pinch. The-Romulan fell.

As Spock ran to T'Shira, Kirk and McCoy entered. Spock touched T'Shira's pale face gently. He turned to the doctor helplessly."

"Bones ...?"

McCoy ran his tricorder. "A mild concussion. I think she'll be okay. Get her to Sickbay."

Spock lifted her in his arms carefully and carried her out. Kirk was kneeling by the ambassador. "He's dead."

"So's that one," McCoy gestured to the guard. "This one is still alive though. A little beat up, but he's all right."

"Get him to the brig," Kirk told the security man.

McCoy saw the look on Kirk's face. "Jim, don't go blaming yourself," he said hastily. "There was nothing you could do to prevent this." .

"Wasn't there, Bones?" Kirk said harshly. "I'm the captain. I'm responsible."

"You had no authority over them. It was the ambassador's decision to trust them."

"Looks like he was right in trusting one of them, anyway. He died trying to save him." Kirk shook his head. "But, my god, what happens to the peace now?"

* * * * *

Several hours later, Kirk walked into Sickbay. "How is she, Bones?"

"She's fine. Just a few bruises, and the concussion isn't quite a bad as I thought. Romulan women are pretty sturdy. Her father's death hit her harder than anything." His gaze met Kirk's soberly. "Jim, you might as well know she's going to return to Romulus."

Kirk nodded. "I figured as much. Has she told Spock?"

"No. But I don't think you understand. She's not coming back. She's not going to marry Spock."

Kirk straightened. "Why? Once she has testified against Stepar, and all this mess is straightened out, what's to keep her from returning?"

"Well, if the treaty falls through, it might be a little tricky coming back, but I don't think that's it. She said it was her duty to take her father's place. I've tried to talk her out of it, but she's stubborn. Said something about 'chirieta' - some kind of code of duty and honor. She also said Spock would be better without her."

Kirk ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. "She can't believe that. Not now." He bit his lip in worry over his friend. "How will he take it, Bones?"

"Not well," McCoy answered, depressed. "Rejection is hard for anyone to take. And he's already been through it once."

"But T'Pring didn't mean as much to him!" Kirk said angrily. "That was an arranged match; this is different. I'm going to talk to her. I've got to make her see what this will do to him."

"I don't think she'll change her mind, Jim."

Kirk began pacing angrily. "I thought he had made it, Bones. I thought he could be happy for once. Now he'll have nothing again. Nothing but this damn ship!"

"Jim!" McCoy was astonished. "You're talking about the Enterprise?"

"I know you have felt it too, Bones. Not very often maybe, but you get to feel this is a trap. That you are missing out on something more important. No matter how much you love the ship, you still get... lonely."

"Yes," McCoy answered slowly, suddenly thinking of his wife, divorced years ago. And his daughter Johanna.

Kirk sat down and put his face in his hands. "Think how much worse it is for Spock."

McCoy was silent. They both knew how it was for Spock.

* * * * *

T'Shira sat up on the bed as Kirk came into the Sickbay. She looked very pale and drawn. 

"How are you feeling?" Kirk asked, a little uncertain of how to begin. It wasn't really his place to interfere in her decision, but he couldn't keep silent.

"Quite well, Captain."

"I am very sorry about your father. I feel responsible--"

"Please, Captain, there is no need. He knew the risk, and he paid for it. You did all you could. I am just sorry Spock did not kill Stepar."

"Is that why you aren't going to marry him?"

She stood, startled by the harsh question. She walked away, refusing to look at him.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I shouldn't have said that. But I can't understand why you have changed your mind. I know a Romulan in a similar situation would have killed Stepar.

"Spock is not a Romulan," she said slowly. "Spock is Spock. To have killed would have made him something he is not. No, Captain, that is not the reason I have changed my mind."

"Then what is the reason?" ·

She looked at him, meeting his eyes frankly. "You know I must return. Without my word on this, there could easily be war, or at least no more talk of peace. There are many like Stepar who would love this chance to accuse the Federation of treachery."

"That still doesn't explain why you won't come back when the treaty is accepted by both sides."

"Captain, can you truly be so obtuse?" she said bitterly. "What would be said if I return and become Spock's wife? That I am a traitor. That my testimony was false - perhaps that I even had a hand in my own father's death. It will be years before there is any degree of trust between our peoples. No, Captain, I do not choose to wait that long, or let Spock take the other alternative of returning to Romulus with me. It might...change him. Eventually, he might be able to do what he could not do today - kill in anger. I could not bear that, and neither could he."

"There may be truth in what you say, but I still think you are making a mistake."

"If I am, it is a mistake that will not cause as much damage as the alternative. Spock will understand I do what is best for all concerned. I have my duty. I will do what I must."

"What's best. I wonder..." Kirk said quietly. "It seems a great price to pay."

"Is it?" T'Shira replied. "Too great a price for peace and stability and honor? No, Captain, it's not too great. Romulan women may not be as logical as Vulcan women, but we are realists. I do not consider the world well lost for love. Some things are imperative."

Kirk began to reaffirm his original belief that Romulan women were cold and hard. How could she stand there calmly discussing such an emotionally charged situation as if it were some kind of equation? The greatest good for the greatest number? Even he had had trouble with that on occasion.

"I see," he said slowly. "Then there's really nothing else to be said, is there?"

"No. Believe me, Captain Kirk, I am doing what is best for Spock as well."

He did not answer, feeling a sudden inexplicable enmity toward her for her stoicism.

He did not know there was blood on her hands where her fingernails had cut into her palms.

* * * * *

The Enterprise was in orbit around Zedic. Spock and T'Shira were alone in the transporter room.

They did not touch. It was as if the pain of parting was too great to withstand that much strain. She did not look at him, but Spock gazed at her as if to drink in enough of her to keep from thirsting forever.

"Farewell, my Spock," she said finally.

He reached to touch her face softly. "It is farewell?" His voice was choked.

"It must be. I thought you understood. It is the only way."

"Understand? Yes, I understand, but it gives me no pleasure. It does not seem to help."

"I am sorry, but it would be worse for us to try to change our natures. You have your logic and I have my honor." With an effort she controlled her trembling. She took his hand in hers and placed the tesik in his open palm. "I want you to keep this. It will tell you that you will be content again. You still have your work and your friend, Jim. That is all you ever really needed. What we had was illogical from the beginning. We were deluding ourselves."

He looked down at the shell in his hand. "No, not illogical. Just badly timed. But I regret nothing... but losing you."

She bit her lip and pulled away. "Good-bye, my love, Spock." She straightened and walked proudly to the transporter.

"It is best I go now. Waiting does not make it easier."

Spock gripped the shell, willing himself to be Vulcan now, not Human.

"Nothing can make it easier. Live long and prosper, T'Shira of Romulus." His fingers moved to the levers. "I shall remember you."

The last he saw of her were green eyes filled with the shimmer of tears.


End file.
